“You will be my mom? Forever?”
Please tell me how I am supposed to avoid the discussion of adoption when he hands me google translate with those words across the screen? I want him to KNOW that he is chosen and loved. I want him to KNOW that we hope it is forever. I smile and I hug him and I remind him to be patient because we are still not allowed to talk with him about it. It is VERY VERY hard not to talk about it.
There are many good and valid reasons why adoption is not supposed to be discussed while he is here; why we must wait for many details to fall into place first, and many valid reasons why I long to comfort him with answers and dispel his fear that he might be left without a family again. I am torn. I tell him again and again that I love him and hope that will be enough to carry him. I see little flashes of understanding behind his eyes and smile. Even though I can’t share every detail I see peace settling over him as he pieces together glimpses of the truth. He is loved. Forever.
Such a picture of my Heavenly Father’s love for me. I don’t understand every detail that God has set in motion, but I know He loves me. And there will be a day when I will be in His presence forever. There is peace in the knowing. And in the waiting there are many moments of joy, and I am comforted in that.
Photos are still not allowed, per our adoption agency, but may I attempt to paint a few pictures of the joy we’ve been experiencing?…
A beautiful quiet day at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom without lines. We race to the next ride and weave through and around and under and over the stalls. Walking between rides Nick stands on his right, taps his left shoulder and pretends it isn’t him. He catches on and we all laugh. He later returns the joke successfully and we laugh harder. We sip hot cocoa to warm us as we watch the dolphins swim.
I tuck in the younger boys with tickles and smother them with “cootie” kisses. They giggle and squirm and I catch a glimpse of Dz watching from around the corner with a giant smile, so he receives a few “cooties” of his own.
Late into the night we sit together on the couch with google translate in hand and he begins to share bits and pieces of his life. My heart is broken and blessed simultaneously.
All of us gathered around the computer screen watching YouTube videos of favorite music. Singing (the boy can sing!), dancing, laughing (a lot) and “fighting” over whose taste is better, everyone’s arms reaching for the mouse to choose the next song. An accidental click on a skimpily clad dancer and he cracks up laughing when I cover his eyes. Clearly he is not used to that kind of love, but he jokingly attempts to click another because he wants me to cover his eyes again.
Nerf darts flying in every direction as Dz savors a playful day with both of his host-families together. Tickles and wrestles and surprise nerf attacks; love coming from both Peter and Adam. All the kids laughing together. Hugs and yes, surprise nerf attacks, from both Stacey and I too. A beautiful reunion that didn’t end in tears, but smiles, because hope is seen.
A houseful of 14 kids at Nana and Papa’s gathered around the table singing happy birthday as Nick blows out his 14 candles and everyone piles the whip cream high upon their cheesecake and pumpkin pie. My health-nut sister shrugs her shoulders in defeat and laughs saying, how much more chaos could a little extra whip cream add to this rambunctious group of running, laughing, chasing, playing kids anyway?
And these words… “I love you with all my heart. I am very happy. I want stay here.” bring me the greatest joy of all!