Why I Love My Disability

hearing aid heart

The diagnosis was a falling anchor tugging hard upon my heart as I sunk into the sea of self pity asking “why me?” and “how come?”. Genetic hearing loss. I knew it was possible, But at 17 I wasn’t fully prepared to find that my normal childhood hearing was beginning to decline. At 19 I wasn’t ready to accept that I would gradually lose my hearing just as my mom had, and her father before her. 

At 25 I finally recognized my need for hearing aids. Sitting in the stillness of his office he placed the aids in my ears and connected them to his computers. He turned them on and instantly my brain was bombarded with noise I didn’t recognize. He began making adjustments to the sound. 
“How is that?”
I wasn’t sure what to think.  I was amazed by how clear my sons little 2 year old voice sounded as he sat beside me chattering with his daddy. How much I had been missing, but could now hear so clearly. I felt the tears welling up, but there was a crackly sound that kept distracting me and I thought something was wrong. He made more adjustments, but it was still there.
“Hmmm, let me try something” he said as he walked out of the room. And a moment later the crackling ceased. 
“Is it gone?”
“Yes, what was it?” 
He walked in with a giggle. “That was the air conditioning.”

The air conditioning? How long had it been since I had heard that sound? My brain didn’t even recognize it. And the tears suddenly spilled over. I couldn’t stop my emotions as I began relearning unfamiliar sounds.

“Woosh” “What was that?”
 “A car drove by on the road outside.”
“Clink clink clink” “What was that?” 
“A pen dropped on the tile floor.”

More tears. Joy. Complete joy to regain what was lost. I smiled at the coos and cries of my baby boy as I set him in the carseat beside his brother. We turned on the music as we drove home and more tears spilled over when I heard the crispness of each note and the clarity of each word. It had been a long time since I was able to enjoy music. 

And God began to teach me…

“Hearing aids bring clarity to what once was just noise.”

Sitting on my sofa at 28, reading God’s Word before the boys awoke. Exodus. The receiving of the law, and the details of the tabernacle. I didn’t understand the details; The significance, the meaning, the clarity. I found it frustrating, a weight pulling me down. I kept reading through the noise until I reached a place I understood more.  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deut.6:5 

At 33 my full days of homeschooling demanded that I start my day in the Word of God, to keep me from breaking apart in the chaos. “If you love me you will keep my commandments.”John 14:15 How thankful I was to finally understand that I did not have to do so on my own. To those who love God, a helper is given. “I will ask the Father and He will give you another helper, that He may be with you forever.” John 14:16 

The Holy Spirit, my helper, my aid.
He would aid me in the hearing and understanding of God’s Word as I read in Exodus again at 35. The details of the tabernacle, the table set at the entrance of God’s very presence. “And you shall set the showbread on the table before me always.” Exodus 25:30 I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of  Psalm 23:“You prepare a table before me…”  Yes, I nod with clarity now… He prepared the table. He provided the bread.  “And He took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them saying, ‘This is my body which was given for you’…” Luke 22:19 The showbread. The bread that must always be presented at the entrance of God’s presence.” 

At 28 those words were noise, but again, God would teach me…
“The Holy Spirit will bring clarity to the voice of God.” 

The Holy Spirit; my aid to help me hear, How He continues to teach me through my hearing lossMy disability; a steady anchor in the storm. This happened so that “the works of God should be made manifest in (her)” John 9:3  (Manifest= to make clear or evident to the understanding.) Because in God’s heart of desire, our spiritual growth outweighs our physical comforts.

Oh how I love my disability!
 “Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.” Matthew 13:9

22 thoughts on “Why I Love My Disability”

  1. That 1Cor. verse is so fitting. It's exactly what God has been teaching me. Without the power of God in my life, so much of His Word just didn't make sense. It's amazing to now recognize the difference! Thanks Brooke for always encouraging me. Love to you sweet sister in Christ.

  2. Oh, wow! Your story touched me, but your heart — how lovely is your heart for God. You have taken something that could be ugly and made it beautiful, by His grace. I cannot imagine what you have had to walk through, but His glory is shining through your words — your life.

    You helped put some things in perspective for me today. Thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs. Also, thank you for stopping by my place. I replied to a comment I missed, that you left a month ago. But your words there, also brought me much encouragement. How timely they were.

    Blessings to you…

  3. Stacy this was beautiful! Your story really showed me how much I take for granted hearing the everyday noises of life. I love what God showed you through all this, "Hearing aids bring clarity to what once was just noise." Made me think of that verse, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." (1 Cor. 1:18) The gospel is just noise to those who are perishing. But to us who believe, it is the power of God! Thank you for your example of counting it all joy (James 1:2)through this trial. God bless you oodles!

  4. I just loved this today! I'm so, so glad I found you and had a chance to read this. Growing up in a Christian home and going to church all my life, there was so much that I really didn't understand. I'd do the Sunday School lessons, learn the verses, etc., but really. . . how could a kid know the depths of meaning in the tabernacle, the wanderings in the wilderness, etc. As you explained your loss of hearing and what the hearing aid did for you, the second verse to a song I learned as a child came to mind:
    "Open my ears, that I may hear
    voices of truth thou sendest clear;
    and while the wavenotes fall on my ear,
    everything false will disappear.
    Silently now I wait for thee,
    ready, my God, thy will to see.
    Open my ears, illumine me, Spirit divine!"
    (The name of the song is Open mine Eyes.)
    I'm so thankful that with age comes wisdom and clarity and all those things we couldn't figure out become clear through experience and getting to know our Lord in deeper and more personal ways. Thanks so much! And thank you for stopping by my blog today. So good to hear from you!

  5. What a beautiful connection you have made. Thank you for sharing your story. I have found though a very stressful year this year just how much God is faithful. It is though our weakness that he is made strong.

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