The diagnosis was a falling anchor tugging hard upon my heart as I sunk into the sea of self pity asking “why me?” and “how come?”. Genetic hearing loss. I knew it was possible, But at 17 I wasn’t fully prepared to find that my normal childhood hearing was beginning to decline. At 19 I wasn’t ready to accept that I would gradually lose my hearing just as my mom had, and her father before her.
At 25 I finally recognized my need for hearing aids. Sitting in the stillness of his office he placed the aids in my ears and connected them to his computers. He turned them on and instantly my brain was bombarded with noise I didn’t recognize. He began making adjustments to the sound.
“How is that?”
I wasn’t sure what to think. I was amazed by how clear my sons little 2 year old voice sounded as he sat beside me chattering with his daddy. How much I had been missing, but could now hear so clearly. I felt the tears welling up, but there was a crackly sound that kept distracting me and I thought something was wrong. He made more adjustments, but it was still there.
“Hmmm, let me try something” he said as he walked out of the room. And a moment later the crackling ceased.
“Is it gone?”
“Yes, what was it?”
He walked in with a giggle. “That was the air conditioning.”
The air conditioning? How long had it been since I had heard that sound? My brain didn’t even recognize it. And the tears suddenly spilled over. I couldn’t stop my emotions as I began relearning unfamiliar sounds.
More tears. Joy. Complete joy to regain what was lost. I smiled at the coos and cries of my baby boy as I set him in the carseat beside his brother. We turned on the music as we drove home and more tears spilled over when I heard the crispness of each note and the clarity of each word. It had been a long time since I was able to enjoy music.
And God began to teach me…
Sitting on my sofa at 28, reading God’s Word before the boys awoke. Exodus. The receiving of the law, and the details of the tabernacle. I didn’t understand the details; The significance, the meaning, the clarity. I found it frustrating, a weight pulling me down. I kept reading through the noise until I reached a place I understood more. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deut.6:5
At 33 my full days of homeschooling demanded that I start my day in the Word of God, to keep me from breaking apart in the chaos. “If you love me you will keep my commandments.”John 14:15 How thankful I was to finally understand that I did not have to do so on my own. To those who love God, a helper is given. “I will ask the Father and He will give you another helper, that He may be with you forever.” John 14:16
At 28 those words were noise, but again, God would teach me…
“The Holy Spirit will bring clarity to the voice of God.”
The Holy Spirit; my aid to help me hear, How He continues to teach me through my hearing loss. My disability; a steady anchor in the storm. This happened so that “the works of God should be made manifest in (her)” John 9:3 (Manifest= to make clear or evident to the understanding.) Because in God’s heart of desire, our spiritual growth outweighs our physical comforts.